Hurricane Matthew comes up with last-minute excuse to skip New Brunswick entirely

Hurricane Matthew comes up with last-minute excuse to skip New Brunswick entirely

Fredericton — New Brunswick has been preparing for days to roll out the red carpet for Hurricane Matthew, who said months ago that he’d “probably stop by” this weekend, just in time for Thanksgiving.

“I can’t wait for him to get here!” gushed Fredericton Mayor Mike O’Brien, while battening down the hatches on his family’s northside home. “Thanksgiving dinner will be a lot more entertaining this year with the threat of strong winds, thunderstorms and heavy rains. Honestly I was surprised to hear Matthew was going to come to town at all, but now I’m pumped!”

Saint John Mayor Don Darling echoed O’Brien’s excitement. “Saint John is thriving! We’ve got the market, the boardwalk, that little lighthouse, that gazebo thing, and some decent seafood restaurants,” he listed. “If Matthew stops anywhere in New Brunswick, it’ll be the Port City. Actually he texted me personally earlier this week to confirm. I offered him my guest bedroom but he said he wasn’t sure about accommodations just yet. He’s keeping it casual — I respect that.”

Moncton Mayor Dawn Arnold said that, with the Hub City’s many attractions, Matthew will have little choice but to stay indefinitely. “I don’t know what this hurricane is into, but I’m preettty sure he’s gonna at least want to check out Champlain Place and Magnetic Hill. Or the casino or one of our many fine strip clubs. Does he know Angie’s has a Tim Hortons now?”

The Manatee caught up with Matthew as he was making plans with Florida to head straight there.

“Oh… right… this is awkward,” said the weather system. “When I said I might swing by New Brunswick I was just being nice. I never planned to follow through on it. I thought that was sort of an unspoken agreement? Geez, don’t you guys have anything else going on?”

The hurricane added that he should probably just take the fastest route and that he wouldn’t have much time to spend with his New Brunswick friends anyway.

“I’ll for sure think about making an appearance at Christmas, though. Or if not then, Easter.”

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