Fredericton — If you’re a New Brunswick landlord, you probably already discovered the glaring loophole in the tenant protection legislation that allows you to boot long-term renters from your building so you can convert it into an Airbnb-style vacation property.
One local landlord, Martin Collin, said he’s found that the mere existence of Airbnb, if you’re really a sneaky piece of shit, can actually let you be a bad person in many other areas of life.
“Once I realized that I could evict all these nice old people and just say I’m turning their homes into Airbnbs, it wasn’t long before I put it together that I can ‘change my mind’ come fall, and convert it back into traditional apartments, but with a jacked-up price,” said Collin. “And from there I really got to thinking — what other crappy things do I do that I can blame on Airbnb?”
Collin had some suggestions for other awful human beings.
“Are you cheating on your spouse? Simply tell her that random woman in the house is actually here for a Bruce Springsteen tribute show, and paid $200 to sleep in her bed for the night,” he explained. “Times are tough — she’s not gonna argue with the extra cash.
“Are you running a meth lab in your basement? If the cops show up, tell them that this paraphernalia belongs to Airbnb guests you’ve never met in your life.”
Collin said the list of bad things you can do does not end there.
“Want to stop paying your elderly dad’s nursing home bills? Tell him that, unfortunately, that home is being turned into an Airbnb and he’s on his own now — and you don’t have the space for him.
“Don’t want to go to your son’s boring school concert?” he went on. “Explain to your child that daddy has important business to attend to — it’s not like he knows what the hell Airbnb is. He probably won’t even ask.
“Did a coworker call you out on a racist or sexist comment you made? Tell them you can’t be racist or sexist — you rent your vacation property to women and people from all over the world. It really is a great system.”
At press time, Collin was hatching a plan to avoid paying his taxes, but hadn’t yet figured out how to say it was due to Airbnb.