Dieppe — Desperate husbands rejoice: Angie’s Show Palace has finally begun plans to build a Tim Hortons inside the notorious strip club by October 2016.
According to Angie’s owner Big $ugah, the installation of the popular coffee shop will be nothing but beneficial to his business. “I would notice that so many customers would leave — sometimes during their 5th lap dance — just to get a coffee!” he exclaimed. “That’s when I realized that, if we bring the coffee to them, customer retention will be a piece of cake.”
Since revealing the project to the club’s regulars, the feedback has been nothing but positive.
“Ho-lee fuck boys!” cried local town perv Rheal Babineau. “Lemme tell ya somethin’, it sure was tough to leave the ol’ pole when I was jonesing for some Timmies. But now nothing’s gettin’ in my way of throwing Canadian Tire money all day long at the beauties.
“And lemme tell ya somethin’ else,” he went on, “there ain’t nothin’ I love more than having a double-double while enjoying a pair of double-doubles!”
As for the Show Palace entertainers, the new addition will guarantee them even more customers, especially when the “Buy 9 lap dances, get a free coffee and donut” punch card system is installed.
“This is just what we need,” said one-eyed exotic dancer Cilantro Peppercorn. “I mean, sure, it will be hard to carry a hole-punch around in my Saran Wrap leotard, but that’s an issue for another day.”
When asked what other plans the future holds for the club, $ugah says he hopes to include a Tim Hortons drive-thru by March 2017. “Let’s be honest,” he confided, “the coffee will probably bring in more money than any of the dancers ever did.”
[…] Moncton Mayor Dawn Arnold said that, with the Hub City’s many attractions, Matthew will have little choice but to stay indefinitely. “I don’t know what this hurricane is into, but I’m preettty sure he’s gonna at least want to check out Champlain Place and Magnetic Hill. Or the casino or one of our many fine strip clubs. Does he knows Angie’s has a Tim Hortons now?” […]