Saint John — In a development still causing an uproar in her uptown office, 23-year-old Brittany just asked her colleagues when the 2019 federal election is.
Despite the coverage on every television channel, radio station and social media platform, Brittany missed the entire election last Monday, Oct. 21. Now, she is querying her office-mates to find out when that event will take place.
“Brittany was sipping on her pumpkin spice latte looking at her Insta,” confided eyewitness Karen Nottingham. “And out of nowhere she said, ‘Guys, when is the election? I gotta vote for my boi, Justin.’
“We kind of looked at each other wide-eyed, and I asked ‘What did you say, Brittany?’
“Without looking up from her phone, she said it again. ‘You know, the election. When is it?’
“We sat there in stunned silence. None of us knew what to say,” said Nottingham. “She’s a bit of a snowflake. We didn’t want to spook her into her safe space — Starbucks — for the rest of the day. We were paralyzed.
“Then Sherri managed to stammer out, ‘I dunno Brittany, that’s a good question. I’ll have to google that.’ I don’t know how she kept a straight face.”
“Yeah, let me know please,” Brittany reportedly said while taking a kissy-face selfie for her Snap streaks. “It’s important to vote, eh? I really want to do it this time.”
Nottingham does not have any plans to follow up. She hopes that Brittany starts to binge Gossip Girl on Netflix or something and forgets the entire subject.
“Bless her heart,” she said.