New Brunswick — Prime Minister Justin Trudeau came to the New Brunswick legislature Thursday to announce that at the next federal election Canadians 85 or older will no longer be able to cast their vote.
New Brunswick, whose population is getting older and older, is the province likely to see the most change from the new policy.
“The logic is that people past 85 shouldn’t be making decisions that affect the rest of the country, since they won’t be around to feel the consequences,” said Trudeau, beaming from his recent re-election.
“These people generally don’t believe in climate change, green initiatives, basically anything we’re trying to do to save the planet that they won’t be around for. So why are we letting them ruin it for the rest of us?”
The new age limit is supported by all the political parties with the exception of the Conservatives, who rely heavily on old Christian voters.
“How are we supposed to keep the good word of the Lord in schools and government buildings without our heavy base of elderly Christian voters? And for that matter, keep all the other bad religions out?” said Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer.
“This is a plot by two-faced Trudeau to forget about our seniors and large corporations and waste money on Millennials and solar panels,” added Scheer.
Many seniors took to Facebook in an attempt to reach out to the younger generations and explain why young folks should also protest the new age limit.
“Sarah it’s your grandma Ethel. Bruce is in the hospital but he hopes you won’t support the voting age limit. I got chicken for $2.99 at Loblaw’s,” posted Ethel Brewster on a Tim Hortons ad status.
“IS FEELING MAD ABOUT THE AGE CAP THANK YOU TRUDEAU YOU REALLY SHOWED YOUR TRUE COLOURS THIS TIME!” posted Jenny Killam, 86, onto a Facebook buy and sell group.
“It isn’t good, I have a hernia,” commented George Hallihan to his granddaughter’s profile picture.
Another part of the policy is that poll workers can’t be over 50, as many senior poll workers were found to be accidentally messing up ballots and voter names.
Political scientists are predicting that the new policy will have the added benefit of freeing up the wait times to vote, lessening traffic on voting day, and giving your grandparents one more thing to complain about at Christmas.