BREAKING: Guy you thought was cool in high school vapes now

Fredericton — Aaron Jardine, that guy you went to high school with who seemed super cool at the time, vapes now, according to sources.

Even though back then he always seemed aloof yet somehow popular, he now proudly carries an e-cigarette and regularly buys “vape juice” or whatever it’s called from a local vape shop. Apparently he even promotes vaping to everyone he meets and lists all the cool flavours you can buy to anyone who’ll listen. Sad.

“Huh. I guess none of us really lived up to expectations,” said Sara Boyd, a former classmate of Jardine’s who now sells real estate. Remember Sara? She was OK. “I actually had a crush on him in Grade 11. He seemed so interesting and he had, like, a full beard when most of the guys couldn’t even grow stubble. He’d skip class and hang outside, smoking weed in his car, blasting Nirvana.

“Fuck, that guy was cool,” she added wistfully.

Apparently Jardine is now assistant manager at a used car dealership, which is fine, but like…it wasn’t what you pictured for him, right? He seemed like the kind of guy who would probably restore an old motorcycle and start a band that would get pretty big before they fizzled out because the drummer overdosed, or something. Not that you’d endorse that kind of behaviour, but if he and his bandmates did it? Man, it would just be so completely cool.

Unfortunately, though, the guy you imagined wearing a sweet black-leather jacket and getting in bar fights before skipping town actually lives at home, and he vapes.

We decided to interview Jardine even though the fact that he vapes pretty much says it all.

“What’s wrong with vaping, man?” asked the practically middle-aged man who in high school once mooned the principal and got away with it. God, he was badass. “The sweet thing is that you can vape anywhere — you don’t have to go outside. It’s tobacco-free, and in some cases nicotine-free, and this cig is refillable and rechargeable! I buy my premium e-liquid from Mary Jane Vapes.

“Now, if you’re just getting into it, I’d recommend strawberry or pineapple or something easygoing. Me, I’m into the more hardcore stuff like ‘Eskimo Kiss’ and ‘Leprechaun Smack’ and ‘Tropicali.’ I get pretty adventurous with it.”

Sorry to burst your bubble, but the guy who in high school seemed so cool that he might have had a university-aged girlfriend is now into vaping. Ew.