Blackville — Premier Brian Gallant has more than a few butterflies in his tummy now that hunky new Prime Minister-designate Justin Trudeau could call a meeting of premiers at any time.
Gallant spoke with The Manatee in Blackville shortly after Trudeau’s landslide victory Monday, where the Liberals won a majority government.
“Stephen Harper never wanted to hang out, just all the premiers, like in the old days,” said the young Gallant, hearkening back to some kind of nostalgic yesteryear he had no part of. “It’s like he thought we weren’t as good as him. But like, as if any of us would want to hang out with that guy anyway. I don’t care if he is in a band — I’ve heard the band, and they suck. Trudeau, though, I can tell he’s cool. He promised we would all get together at least now and then to talk about politics and shoot the shit, and he just doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who would lie, you know?”
Gallant added that Stephen Harper refused outright to answer any questions, but Trudeau seems much more open. “I have so many questions for him. Like, where does he shop? Is he as sick of hearing about the Blue Jays as I am? What was his dad really like? Who does his hair? Does he like me? What beer does he drink? What does he do to relax?”
The premier said all of Canada’s leaders need to come together if they’re to enact change on either a provincial or national level. “It’s high time — if you know what I mean,” he said, nudging our reporter and winking. “We’ll smoke a joint, bash Harper for a bit, and talk about New Brunswick’s economy or whatever. I honestly can’t wait.”
Now that Trudeau is Canada’s leader, Gallant thinks real change is on the horizon and politicians can finally tackle the complex issues faced by New Brunswick and the other provinces.
“I just think Justin and I would have a lot in common,” gushed Gallant. “He’s Liberal, I’m Liberal; he’s fit and athletic, I work out all the time; he’s a brilliant orator, I was my high school valedictorian; he has chiselled features, and… well, look at me. We’ll have so much to talk about.”
As of midday, Gallant — who was pacing back and forth and wringing his hands — had still not spoken with Trudeau.
“It could be literally any minute now that I’ll get a text from him,” said Gallant, stifling a nervous giggle. “I shouldn’t even be talking to you — what if he’s trying to call my house right now?!”
Gallant then dashed toward his car, hopped in and sped away, presumably to wait by the phone and obsessively refresh his email inbox.
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