Saint John — New Brunswick’s oldest newspaper is trying to learn some new tricks in an effort to attract a younger audience.
Brunswick News — the publishers of the Telegraph-Journal and every other damn thing printed on newsprint in New Brunswick — formally unveiled their newest social media foray at a news conference early this morning.
“It’s a completely different take on the daily news aimed specifically at people who just scroll through Instagram constantly,” gushed editor Marie Sutherland. “We think it’s really hip…I mean rad…or sick? I don’t know, whatever the kids say for ‘cool’ these days.
“We publish the same stories as in the newspaper and online versions,” she explained. “But, instead of using a bunch of tricky words and confusing punctuation, we tell the story exclusively through the use of emojis and hashtags! Each story has at least three emojis and no fewer than 10 hashtags! Our reporters…er, I mean ‘influencers,’ are working around the clock to bring the latest news pictures to the kids.”
When asked why there was no link to the online story or additional story details in the post’s caption, Sutherland blew a raspberry. “Oh please, like anyone on Instagram would click through those links in captions and lose their place in their feed! That’s like intentionally losing their Snapchat streaks — it ain’t gonna happen.
“Normally we attempt to inform, challenge and delight our readers. In this case, we will settle for a vague awareness, something adjacent to comprehension, and trying to garner the pity-likes of post-millennials by meeting them where they’re at.
“And by that I mean — 🙂 😆 🙄 😈 😯 😎 #love #ootd #cute #instagood #selfie #style #nofilter #life #goals #squad #beauty #make-up #foodporn.”
The Telegraph-Journal Instagram edition is available here: https://www.instagram.com/nottelegraphjournal/.