Penniac — The snow is melting at last, bringing the promise of sunny spring days and leaving behind a whole season’s worth of trash and debris on the side of New Brunswick roads.
Local man Dale Allen, out for a stroll on Sunday, pointed out a smattering of empty Tim Hortons cups, Bud Light and Alpine cans, that he told us filled his heart with gladness.
“Of course, there are other hints that the season is shifting — maple sap running, songbirds singing, potholes galore — but nothing’s quite as hopeful as that shiny, empty beer can on the side of the highway. It’s like, it’s weathered the winter and so can you, you know?”
Allen walked on, kicking other discarded cans into nearby ditches and musing on life.
“It makes you wonder about its story. Why is it there and who drank it? Was some guy pre-gaming on his way to a house party downtown? Or was he just cleaning the empties from his truck to impress a first date? Was it a lady treating herself to a little night cap on her way back home to Penniac? We’ll never know, and it’s these kinds of eternal mysteries that make life so special!”
Allen said the cans decorating the roads in rural New Brunswick have a double significance.
“To me, that Bud Light can is both a promise for a bright new future, and an artifact of a simpler time when you could just chug beers while driving and no one bothered you about it,” he said. “Maybe that time hasn’t passed out here…I dunno.”
Allen continued walking, pointing in wonder at babbling brooks and moss growing on rocks. He then began rifling around in his coat pocket, and hauled out a full can of — you guessed it — Bud Light. He cracked it, took a long, refreshing swig, and tossed the remainder onto the road. The can landed with a satisfying splash-crackle-pop before rolling directly in front of an oncoming Honda Civic, whose tire obliterated what was left of the can.
“Actually, come to think of it,” Allen observed, “it mighta been me who left these cans here…
“Still a sign of spring, though, eh?”
Am I the only one who doesn’t find this funny? Why joke about litter? Pick up your damn shit.
Local drunken asshole litters like a selfish prick