Campobello pirates terrorize U.S. neighbours

Campobello pirates terrorize U.S. neighbours

Campobello Island — A skull and crossbones flag blows in the wind over top a brining shed at the centre of a dispute that includes two neighbouring countries, and pirates roving the waters of the Bay of Fundy.

The 110-year-old brining shed was once used to pickle herring for distribution across the United States, and was in the midst of being restored when a winter storm jarred the shed loose from its Lubec foundations. The historical structure drifted across the channel onto Campobello Island during a full moon, which created record-high tides.

Lubec residents are now questioning whether the shed’s collapse was indeed an act of God or rather the work of pirates, who are known to maraud the waters surrounding Campobello.

Kippy McCurdy, co-executive curator of the Lubec Brining Shed Preservation Society, says that he has evidence of a deliberate plot orchestrated by Campobello pirates to facilitate the collapse of the Lubec heritage building and float it into Canada where the pirates looted the structure of its vast riches.

“We’ve seen them eyeing our shed for a while. You could see them across the strait staring at it; couldn’t wait to get their mitts on it. They’d see us, seeing them, ogling our shed and then they’d turn away.

“They want us to believe that it was just the storm, but we actually found rope trails in the sand from where they tied ropes around the pillars in order to tear the shed down. It wasn’t the storm at all.”

Pirates had emerged in Campobello waters after it was announced that the New Brunswick government will be handing the island over to the state of Maine in 2018 in exchange for more lenient softwood lumber tariffs. Many islanders balked at the idea of becoming United States citizens, instead opting for a seafaring life. The Campobello pirates have taken to the high seas, returning to the island only to pillage and replenish their supplies.

When asked about the rise of piracy in Campobello, the Office of the Premier released a statement: “Campobello Island has been promised to the United States and the New Brunswick government does not meddle in the affairs of foreign governments.”

It is unclear whether the friendship will be restored or, much like the once-strong brining shed, it is irreparable.

  1. Like Norwegians, Campbello residents have little desire to become US citizens.

    Reply
  2. Time for the pirates to head up the Saint John and deal with the Premier. Has the Saskatchewan River froze? A few hardy Prairie pirates should would help the cause!

    Reply

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