Fredericton — After holiday spending is finished and the credit card statements arrive, the pot shop knows that many New Brunswickers have empty bank accounts. So now, Cannabis NB says they will throw you a bone with a loan to get stoned. Today, the provincial pot provider unveiled its “payday loan” policy for financially challenged customers.
“We know most New Brunswickers don’t have a roommate or best friend that they can mooch weed off from during the winter break,” says Cannabis NB president Harry Briman. “That’s why we are doing our customers ‘a solid’ by letting them borrow between one and five grams of cannabis on credit until they get their next cheque.
“With all of the financial pressure and stressful family gatherings, we could use a little toke of relaxing smoke to get us through this shitshow. And, we will charge what we think is a very reasonable interest rate and get repaid by garnishing their wages.”
Briman says that if Cannabis NB wants to compete toe-to-toe with unregulated weed dealers, they need to offer the same services as its black-market competition.
“Our customers have been at the mercy of unregulated dealers for years that will spot you until payday at a steep interest rate. The difference here is that the government will get your money instead of some shady dude on the street corner. Isn’t that better? We think so.”
Customer John MacDonald said he was fine with paying some interest to relieve his reefer madness. “Now I don’t have to worry about getting kneecapped? Sweet! Government is taking half my pay in taxes anyways so I doubt I would even notice if they took the extra to cover my pot debt.”
Briman says that innovation like this program will keep the illegal market at bay. “Now, if we can actually get some weed to sell to people, we’ll have this legal pot thing nailed!”
Waiting for the 50% import from China eh