Moncton — Casino New Brunswick in Moncton is finally set to reopen on Sept. 28. A few new rules will be in place, however, to ensure the safety of staff and gamblers alike.
One of the most contentious new regulations is that patrons may not touch anything — buttons, dials, levers, touchscreens — for the duration of their visit. Instead, players will simply sit or stand six feet from the one machine they intend to use, and huck coins and bills at it.
“I don’t know what people are complaining about — just throwing your cash at the machines for staff to collect later gives you the exact same chances of winning as yanking levers and pounding buttons. This is for everyone’s safety and well-being and should not impact your gambling experience in any negative way,” said John Bismarck, president of the Great Canadian Gaming Corporation.
“You must also sit at least two metres from the machines to ensure…luck, I guess? Sure, we’ll go with luck. You’ve heard of lucky number three? Well that has been changed to lucky twos, to comply with WHO guidelines.”
Gambling aficionados are displeased.
“I figured when we went back it would be the right way,” said Lorraine Hudson, 66, of Riverview. “I’ve been checking the news every day for updates. I knew it might not be exactly the same, but I never figured it’d be this bad. I mean, how am I supposed to win if I can’t spin on my lucky machine? I got two lucky sevens before the quarantine, and I know if I could only go back and work on it for a few days I’d hit the jackpot and finally be able to retire!”
Casino New Brunswick employees are somewhat baffled by the reaction.
“No one batted an eye when we told them we’d have no more concerts of comedy shows, or that they need to wear face masks, or that our capacity will be at only about 25% of what it once was,” said casino general manager Bryce Pritchett.
“Same thing when we told them that table games wouldn’t be available, there would be plexiglass barriers between machines, and that no large groups could enter. Most of them didn’t even care when we said we’d keep the restaurant closed. But it seems most people view grabbing the levers and pushing those buttons as integral to their time at the casino.”