Fredericton — A provincial government employee was arrested this morning following a tragic turn of events that took place in the men’s public washroom at a local government office.
The man, whose identity remains confidential in order to protect his family, was detained by police after numerous complaints by colleagues that he was striking up conversations while at the urinals, or worse, while doing business in a stall.
Released on $2 million bail, posted by the infamous Duane and Beth Chapman, the defendant had a chance to speak to reporters briefly before being ushered into the family van by his disgusted and less-than-impressed wife.
“I don’t get it…I was just trying to be social! Our hands may be busy but we can still make conversation while nature calls,” claimed the defendant. “I can hear the ladies discussing full episodes of The Bachelorette and upcoming craft shows in their bathroom, so I don’t understand why I can’t ask Tom how he’s feeling at the urinal.”
“THEY EVEN HAVE A KEURIG!” he shouted out the window as his wife sped off down Westmorland Street, referring to the luxuries of the women’s bathrooms.
“I hope he gets what he deserves,” a male colleague told The Manatee shortly after the defendant’s embarrassing ordeal outside the station. “I have a constitutional right to poop in peace, and I hope some time in jail teaches him a thing or two about Bathroom Law.”
The defendant will appear in court later this month, facing charges of violating numerous sections of the Bathroom Bill, which allows men of all age or ethnicity to answer the call without awkwardness, and in peace.