Fredericton — Jeff Alpaugh is a man among boys: a retired military vet, entrepreneur, trendsetter and all-around bad-ass. He garnered local and national acclaim when he wowed the panel on the hit venture capitalist show Dragons’ Den with his funky, high-end button-downs.
Now, he’s ready to take his vision to the next level, to really walk the walk and infuse his new summer line of casual shirts with the controversial-at-best coronavirus. And there’s nothing “novel” about it.
“I’ve been telling people to ‘Be Dangerous’ (TM, All Right Reserved, et cetera) for years now. It’s time to put my money where the danger is, and nothing says danger and jaw-dropping style like Egyptian cotton showered in communicable diseases!”
Now, not only will you receive a “waterfall of compliments,” but a waterfall of diarrhea as well. Pair them with the soon-to-be-released, ultra stain-resistant cargo shorts and you’ll be dishing out whiplash all the way to quarantine.
“We’re even partnering with Corona on this,” Alpaugh stated. “You’ll receive a free beer at any participating establishment when you flash your new, dangerous duds.”
We hit the pavement to get the opinions of Frederictonians.
“I’m all for it,” said Kim LeBlanc. “It’s a grind out here these days and you gotta stay creative to make it in a small market like Fredericton. And, let’s be honest, if this flu thing wipes out a few J.A.C. customers, the city is going to see a major reduction in military bros — and that’s a good thing in my books.”
Premier and big-time Dangerous Dress Shirt supporter Blaine Higgs was happy to comment on the risqué move.
“It’s no secret that I’m a huge proponent of reckless decisions regarding health care and I’m quite possibly one of 47 people in the city who can afford one of these shirts. I’ve also been designing my own shirt with Jeff. For me, that’s just a shirt with a collar weighing more than a ounce. Huge personal risk for a C3 fracture.
“We’re working on a floral print that closely resembles the pattern on those couches with wooden armrests. You know — the one everybody’s grandparents still have in their basement.”
Order your ultra-dangerous coronavirus-infused dress shirt while supplies last!
Do the coronavirus t-shirts read “FREE BEER”, by any chance?