Fredericton — The New Brunswick Legislative Assembly was buzzing earlier today as newly minted Premier Brian Gallant took to the floor to announce the first of his new government’s proposed changes for the province. The new law would introduce a third official language to New Brunswick.
“New Brunswick being a trilingual province is necessary for us to move forward in 2014,” Gallant said, addressing a packed room. “So much time and effort is wasted arguing over English and French that I thought, if we could pick another language — I don’t know, Italian or Swahili or something, it doesn’t really matter — and get everyone speaking that, we could finally get past this and get some real work done.”
At an ad-hoc press conference held immediately after the introduction of the new “Trilingual NB Bill,” Premier Gallant was asked by reporters how the province would fund incorporating a TBD new language.
“Isn’t that what taxes are for?” questioned the premier. When further pressed on the issue, Gallant suggested that the province set up a phone line where residents could call in and vote on which language they wanted. “Sort of like American Idol; 750 thousand people times 2 bucks per call would probably cover it.”
This proposal is already garnering support from a number of MLAs, who apparently see no downside to adding a new official language. “This will allow us to communicate and therefore better serve the people of New Brunswick,” said one MLA. “And it won’t be a big deal at all. I’ll just get my kid to put my documents through the Google and it’ll spit out whatever language we decide on.”
In an unexpected turn of events, the Anglo Society of New Brunswick released a statement declaring the group’s support for the bill. The quarter-page document states that they will readily accept a third official language providing that it is an additional ENGLISH (spelled out in uppercase letters in documents and yelled verbally).
The “Trilingual NB Bill” is scheduled for debate next month, allowing time for the Legislative Assembly to find, hire and train trilingual pages.