St. Stephen — In an effort to appeal to a younger demographic and prepare for Canada’s impending marijuana legalization, Ganong Bros., Limited in St. Stephen, N.B. has announced a partnership with a local cannabis grower.
If all goes according to plan, by next Canada Day Ganong will will be part grower, part dispensary and part chocolatier.
“Our supplier, who wishes to keep his name anonymous until July 1st, 2018, said he can provide a shit-load of weed, hash, hash oil — all that crap — and not only that, but he’s disclosed some of his best recipes that we’ll be adapting with our beloved confections,” stated Ganong Bros. chairman Isaac Dupont.
“We actually already have a recipe for Chicken Bones Brownies on our website,” added Dupont, “so it wasn’t much of a stretch to imagine selling delicious weed brownies laced with tasty Ganong favourites.
“And you’ll be pleased to know that we’ll be updating our classic Chicken Bones recipe first; the new ones will be green instead of pink, shaped like bullets, and be called something like ‘Chicken Bonze.’ We think teens especially will love them.”
The Manatee spoke with the anonymous cannabis grower this morning, who said he pitched the partnership to the chocolate factory after taking a huge hit from his bong, and realizing that “bong” and “Ganong” rhyme.
“Yeah, I was just looking at my bong, and I was like… ‘bong… bong… Ganong!’ It was right brilliant of me. I walked right over there to the factory to get some candy and explained how great we’d be as business partners. The rest is history, as they say.”
St. Stephen locals and Ganong employees are ecstatic about the news.
“This is lit, man,” said Dirk Bolton, who has been working at the chocolate factory for five years. “Usually when I book 4/20 off to blaze, I have to come up with some excuse, like that my dog is sick or my great-grandma died or I just need a personal day. I bet things are gonna be a heck of a lot more chill at Ganong now, though.”
Town Mayor Evan Iverson thinks the new business pairing will be a boon to tourism in the area. “People will come from all over!” he exclaimed. “This partnership is perfect — when you’re toking up and get the munchies, Ganong will have your back!”