New Brunswick — According to recent polls, more Atlantic Canadians that ever before are fed up with their conversations, newsfeeds and timelines filling up with Storm Chips any time there’s a hint of bad weather on the horizon.
“You just want an excuse to eat a ton of chips — we get it!” cried Sara Ritter of Saint John, N.B. “There’s nothing stopping you from sitting on the couch and eating a whole family-size bag of chips on a sunny day in June. Why do you have to announce it every time there’s flurries in the forecast?”
“They don’t even taste good,” concurred Moncton man Everett LaPierre. “They pretty much took a bunch of flavours that could have been fine on their own, then mashed them all together in a bag so you can’t taste anything distinct. It’s like eating crunchy swamp water.
“Now, don’t get me wrong here — I love chips as much as the next guy, and Covered Bridge chips in particular. It’s those damn Storm Chips I take issue with. Why is everyone pretending they’re so special?”
To see what he meant, our reporter took to Facebook, where people are always full of shit. It didn’t take long to find several Storm Chip-related posts.
“OMG: snow day! Thank god I remembered to pick up my #Stormchips and Alpine on the way home last night! It’s about #priorities, people!” wrote one Fredericton resident, who included a photo of himself on the couch with the chips, in case anyone doubted his sincerity.
Instagram was no less annoying and repetitive, with dozens of pictures of the scarf- and hat-wearing chips on the famous branded bag.
“Got your Storm Chips ready? #prepared #stormchips #stormday #coveredbridge #sexy #hot #Iwokeuplikethis #sorrynotsorry,” wrote Kayla Eagers to caption a decidedly skanky selfie in which she held a Storm Chip above her pouting face.
Maritimers who are over the trend recommend buying Storm Chips if you truly like their taste, abstaining if you don’t — and just shutting up about it either way.
“It’s not funny, cute, or original at this point,” said Aaron Peters of Alma. “If you want to eat a shit-ton of chips, you don’t need to justify it, and you sure as hell don’t need to brag about it. No one cares.”