Fredericton — French, English, and Chiac — New Brunswick’s three official languages — were all considered in the province’s decision to rebrand local The Home Depot stores as “Home de Pot” when marijuana is legalized.
“We want to eventually have several retailers on board with marijuana sales besides just Cannabis NB,” said Premier Brian Gallant, “since no one will actually want to go to those uptight stores and be monitored by the government.
“At Home de Pot, though, customers can grab some extra screws and some deck stain, and pick up an eighth for the weekend, or even just a dime bag for the afternoon.”
Home Depot employees we spoke with claim the additional product will add value to the store — and to their experience working there.
“It’s a pretty easy switch, when you think about it,” said Fredericton cashier Jake Borland, 22, the pockets of his orange apron bulging with his personal weed stash. “Pot’s already in our name, and the ‘de’ makes it more…what’s the word…inclusive — for French people, right?
“I actually look forward to selling weed at work in addition to at home,” he added. “I can probably get a promotion since I’m an already expert in this department.”
There’s also an obvious link between older Home Depot workers who just stand there talking for hours with customers, and stoners who rant to anyone and everyone about the meaning of the universe and existence itself.
“Yep, people will know what they’re getting when they come to see me,” said 59-year-old Alden Wright, who’s been wandering the Building Materials department for the last 14 years, sharing his wisdom with customers. “I’ll still show them where to find plywood and regale them with a 40-minute story about the time I installed dimmer switches in my dining room, but now we can get a bit high and talk about deeper things than just home improvement.”
Wright then pulled a colourful pipe from his back pocket, packed it, and lit it.
“I mean….” he said, exhaling slowly and gesturing grandly around him, “What’s it all about…you know?”