‘It wasn’t a fake story, it was satire,’ says Moncton woman

Moncton — On Wednesday CBC disclosed that Marla DeMorrison, a young woman who reported an attempted assault on the Mapleton Park trail earlier this month, is now accused of fabricating the story and is being charged with public mischief.

DeMorrison, though, told The Manatee that she never intended for anyone to actually believe her story and stated that it wasn’t fake news, but rather satire.

“Like, can’t people tell the difference anymore?” she asked. “It’s so frustrating — I’m just trying to bring attention to a serious issue by using humour as the backdrop to catch people’s interest, and I now I’m getting accused of spewing fake news.”

DeMorrison was shocked to find out that people believed her story and that the RCMP were taking the claim so seriously.

“I mean it was so obviously satire,” she went on. “Come on, I said I was going to get a coffee — everyone knows I don’t drink coffee. And, just look at the description I gave: five feet eight inches tall and in his mid- to early 50s, with blondish grey hair and a bit of scruff for a beard — ummmm, I’m pretty obviously describing Dr. Gregory House. Don’t people watch TV anymore?”

Sgt. Sherry Higgins explained why the RCMP has decided to press charges against DeMorrison.

“This is a very serious matter and we need to put a stop to fake news immediately. My RCMP colleagues and I firmly agree with the stance Mark Zuckerberg is taking against the providers of this filth. There is a great difference between fake news and satire and we want the public to be aware. News outlets like The Onion are important and hilarious and fake news sources like CNN need to be called out for what they are — garbage!”

Residents of Moncton were clearly siding with the RCMP on this matter and many shared their outrage via Twitter.

“Fake news is the worst thing in the world — worse than cancer!” tweeted @cancersurvivor1428

“I think DE-Morrison needs to be DE-Ported for this outrageous story!” tweeted @allwelcomeincanada

“Satire is the absolute best source for news — this is a pathetic attempt at getting likes and shares and it sickens us!” tweeted @themanateemag

Our reporter did manage to find one person who was in full support of DeMorrison.

“Come on people, it’s just a joke,” suggested Moncton resident Blaire Thibault. “And a pretty funny one at that. I mean she had women all over the place afraid to go for walks, right in the middle of summer when people should be out walking. It was brilliant!

“And that scene she described of a man just standing there, staring at her, not saying a word — fantastic! It was like something out of a horror movie. She had people around here terrified and caused the RCMP to use a ton of money and resources to try and find this person who didn’t even exist! Classic satire.”