Ottawa — Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was spotted this morning wandering up and down Sussex Drive in the New Edinburgh neighbourhood of Ottawa, looking vexed and distraught as he squinted into the sun.
He seemed to walk without reason, though with a purposeful stride, followed swiftly in tow by a legion of his personal photographers whose camera shutters rattled off like machine gun fire. The prime minister wore his usual tailored suit and polished dress shoes, and with each stride made a deliberate effort to lift his pant legs up enough to reveal his new set of motley particoloured socks that even Don Cherry would find gaudy.
It quickly became evident to confused onlookers that the prime minister was actually staging a personal photo shoot, and that the perplexed visage he wore was actually an attempt at a so-called duck-face. Apparently needing a new Facebook profile picture, Trudeau showed unwavering determination in his pursuit of the perfect photo, an opportunity that he felt needed to be seized while the moment was right.
“Days like this don’t happen very often,” Trudeau told The Manatee, before pausing and adding, “Well probably more to me than most, but still.”
He was speaking, of course, about a good hair day, something he considers to be of the utmost importance. It seems that when there are no non-offensive yet still somehow politically incorrect terms that need correcting, good hair days and the photo-ops they present come next on the prime minister’s docket.
When asked to justify what many people consider to be a complete waste of time, the lovely-locked Trudeau had this to say:
“Yes, well there are a lot of bleeding hearts around who just don’t like to see people with perfect hair and fancy socks. All I can say is, go on and bleed, but it is more important to keep fashion and design in this society than to be worried about weak-kneed people who don’t like the looks of a pretty man’s hair.”
Trudeau, while in conversation with us, turned to face one of his cameramen who had taken the opportunity to have a smoke-break. “Hey, put your camera back up!” he demanded. “I don’t care if you take a break, just watch me!”