Local homeless man invests in debit machine, sees profits rise drastically

Local homeless man invests in debit machine, sees profits rise drastically

Moncton — Claiming it to be the “best business move” he’s ever made, Moncton-area homeless man Pierre Petersen has seen nothing but profits ever since he retired his old Tim Hortons change cup for a wireless debit machine to solicit money from pedestrians.

“The idea came to me one morning when I was labouring over at the corner of Main and Botsford; no matter how nicely I begged, everyone claimed to not have any change on them,” he explained. “I got fed up with the ‘Oh sorry, no change’ bullshit and, like the entrepreneur I am, asked myself, ‘What is the one thing people never leave home without?’ And then it came to me — debit cards!”

Petersen says that, since purchasing the debit machine with the change he has accumulated over the years, he averages a profit of $94 per day, a great success compared to the $2.35 he would have previously gathered in a day’s work.

“The secret is in catching people off-guard,” Petersen said. “I first ask for change, and when they say no, I whip out the ol’ debit machine and say I KNOW they have a card on them, otherwise how would they have bought that venti caramel-no-ice-extra-cold-soybean latte?! Gotcha now, suckers! You should see how they squirm, trying to find an argument to that.”

Even locals have noticed the business man’s success.

“It’s unreal!” exclaimed Riverview resident Joan Reed. “He’s making more money than I am! I swear, I’ve actually been considering quitting my shitty-ass retail job and venturing with him on this new career path; it seems less depressing than customer service, too, so win-win!”

Petersen told The ManateeĀ that he plans on expanding his new-found cash cow by renting out his debit machine to other local homeless people, and he will be accepting Visa by September 2016.

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