Fredericton — Local mother Erin MacInnis, 36, has found a secondary source of income in an unusual place.
“Everyone has a side-hustle these days, especially around Christmas. I’ve found it’s a good way to pick up a few extra bucks. And if you don’t like what’s in the box you can just sell it on Facebook Marketplace or throw it in the garbage.”
The mom of two said that although she has a full-time government job, she has found herself drawn toward the additional opportunities that package theft provides.
“My friends are all into the pyramid schemes — Scentsy, Arbonne, all that crap — but I prefer direct business dealings. It feels more honest to me. It’s a lot easier to simply drive around and pick up packages than to host parties, give product pitches, try to recruit new people, manage the finances, yada yada. I don’t know why more boss babes aren’t doing this!”
Multiple homeowners in the area have caught MacInnis on their security cameras.
“What a piece of shit she is,” said Kelly Arnold, an unemployed retail associate who found herself the target of MacInnis’s latest theft. “I know it’s her on the footage…I mean, I went to school with this girl…but the cops said she looks identical to every other 30-something mom with a fake business so there’s no real way to narrow it down.”
MacInnis explained that she’s in cahoots with a “business partner”: a corrupt delivery driver who lets her know when and where big, expensive-looking packages are being dropped off.
“I know Lenny from a past job. We both quit around the same time when the boss had the gall to accuse us of stealing. Anyway, now he and I have meetings, plan strategy — just like with any other business.”
MacInnis added that her husband has picked up a couple extra shifts stealing bikes from children in the summer, but that stream of revenue has dried up.
“It’s seasonal, you know. Bikes are summer, Amazon packages are winter. Spring and fall don’t have much going for them, but I’m an entrepreneur. I’ll figure something out.”