Fredericton — A year after the first lockdown began in New Brunswick, a local man is feeling accomplished because he can still fit into the very same hand-sewn cloth mask he’s worn each day since last March.
“I quit going to the gym last year,” confided Allan Rickard of Fredericton. “Once I started working from home, I really let myself go.
“So a month or so ago I had to donate all my old jeans, and now my shirts won’t button up, BUT at least my face mask still technically fits over my nose and mouth. You have to take wins where you can get ’em, right?
“I know a few people, not naming names but some friends, whose masks barely cover their double or triple chin. They remind me of bullfrogs. But not me — I’m looking almost as slim and trim as the first day I wore this thing!”
The fitness industry has taken its cue from the new reality of face masks.
“We’ve totally updated our marketing and branding to suit people’s pandemic lifestyles,” said Kyle Reeves, who manages a gym in the capital city. “Instead of showing hardbodies in Spandex on our billboards, we display people who look great in their masks. Or who look like they are wearing a mask of the correct size, anyway. Our customers are really responding to this new, attainable standard.”
Rickard claims the mask will be his new benchmark of health and fitness.
“Forget trying to get a beach body in time for summer — what an outdated goal! I just want…a mask face.”