Measles outbreak only 7th on list of reasons not to go to Saint John

Measles outbreak only 7th on list of reasons not to go to Saint John

Saint John — A lot has been said about the spike in cases of measles in the Port City lately and outsiders are being told to stay away. Those outsiders, though, don’t seem too concerned as they apparently had no intentions of coming anywhere close to Saint John anyway, and the measles outbreak is actually pretty far down on their list of reasons why.

“I’d say that’s like number seven or eight,” expressed Frederictonian Gilbert Oliver. “First is always the smell, second is always the people, and the rest of the list is kind of ever-changing depending on what’s going on in the city and stuff — but this new thing hasn’t even cracked my top five yet and probably never will.”

The Manatee probed Oliver on whether he had a real list made up or if it’s just something he keeps in his head.

“Oh no, it’s an actual list!” he confessed proudly. “My friends and I from all over the Maritimes keep an editable Google Doc where we can alter the list when needed. The measles thing was added a couple weeks ago and was slowly making its way up the 50-item list but honestly, I think it’s probably at its peak now.”

On Monday, CBC reported that there are now at least eight confirmed cases of measles in Saint John as the outbreak continues to spread.

Our reporter asked others in the Fredericton area if they’re concerned about the outbreak.

“Not even a little,” stated Margo Poultier. “Do you really think this is the first time I’ve been aware that I can contract something from a Saint Johner? If so, you’re sorely mistaken. I’ve basically been training for this moment my entire life. If staying away from Saint John were an Olympic event, I’m pretty sure I could take home the gold.”


  1. The measles outbreak came from Rothesay and KV which are bedroom communities of Saint John. I can make a list why I wouldn’t visit any area but rather see the good and as far as the people go you will never find friendlier people than in Saint John. If our government would invest in this city on the Bay of Fundy instead of ignoring it we would be far better off. Your comments are rather ignorant in my opinion.

  2. Paul William Lewis May 30, 2019, 1:50 pm

    Ignorant means: lacking knowledge or awareness.

    Like not realizing this is a satire site and this is a satirical story which takes a little nugget of truth and makes a broad joke about the subject. But hey, my opinion.


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