Undisclosed location — More than 2,000 years later, He wouldn’t change a thing….except maybe the holiday name.
Granting His first exclusive interview in more than two millennia to The Manatee, Jesus of Nazareth says that He would do it all over again if asked. That said, He admitted the holiday name is mildly annoying to Him.
“Look, I don’t want to be be petty about the whole thing. I mean, it was literally the most important thing I ever did. But, you know…it wasn’t really a ‘Good Friday’ for Me. In fact, it sucked pretty hard.”
Good Friday is a Christian holiday commemorating the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, celebrated this year on March 30. It is observed during Holy Week on the Friday preceding Easter Sunday. Crucifixion is a method of execution in which the victim is nailed to a large wooden cross and left to hang until dead.
“Like, is that supposed to be ironic or something?” Jesus continued. “I can assure you that it’s not a good day when you have to drag a really heavy cross up a hill with a prickle bush on your head, and then you get nailed to it. It’s actually bad, really bad.”
“Look, I’m not mad…just disappointed,” He said. “It seems like adding insult to injury, literally.”
The Redeemer did ask if The Manatee thought it was too late to change the holiday name.
“How about something like…ummm, like ‘Black Friday?’ Is that taken?”