Old guy who doesn’t own computer pissed city wasting $100K on cybersecurity

Old guy who doesn’t own computer pissed city wasting $100K on cybersecurity

Fredericton — A Fredericton man who doesn’t see the point in using computers is livid that the city is shelling out $100,000 to upgrade and protect its infrastructure from cyber attacks.

Reggie Matheson, 71, spoke to The Manatee under the condition that the interview would not “end up on a computer” in any fashion.

“This is for print only,” he said. “I don’t mind being in the Gleaner or whatever this is, so long as the damned paperboy doesn’t forget to deliver that day. Now, on this ‘cybersecurity,’ first of all, I don’t think anyone knows what that word is supposed to mean, so how can the city justify this reckless spending on it? I pay my taxes, and if I don’t use computers then why should I have to foot the bill for this cyber nonsense?

“I can think of a hundred thousand other places that money could be better spent.”

We asked Matheson to give a few examples, and he conceded — after we lied and assured him that the list would be printed in full in Saturday’s Daily Gleaner and nowhere “on the line.”

“Well, what about adding it to the Chase the Ace jackpot down at Mama’s Pub?” he said. “Or what about getting rid of those ugly trees in Officers’ Square? Or finding somewhere to put all the panhandlers? There — that’s three just off the top of my head!”

Matheson has been sending letters to City Hall, imploring them to reconsider their budgetary decisions.

“He addresses them to me personally,” said Mayor Mike O’Brien, “asking us to donate the money to ‘control the squirrel population’…I didn’t even realize that was on anyone’s radar…or to ‘open the stores earlier for people who don’t sleep in past the crack of dawn.’ If he spent a fraction of the time he wastes sending letters on learning how to use a computer, we’d all be a lot better for it.”

Matheson added that the only computer he trusts is his microwave, which he uses daily to heat up his Folgers instant coffee.

“And the only hacker I’m worried about is the neighbour kid I pay to hack down the weeds in my backyard,” he continued. “He keeps raising his rates…he’s the only criminal hacker the city should be concerned with, in my opinion.”

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