Minnesota seeks to leave U.S., become Canadian province

Minnesota seeks to leave U.S., become Canadian province

Minnesota — In what is being referred to as “Minnexit,” Minnesota’s government has announced its intentions to secede from the United States and join Canada as a new province. In a press release, the office of Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton explained that the results of a recent survey show that the majority of the state’s people are disgruntled with their new President Donald Trump’s policies and values.

“It is our freedom as Americans to choose who we want as our president. We did not choose Donald Trump, therefore we are exercising our freedom and joining Canada,” read the statement. “We understand how shocking this may be, and that not every Minnesotan might agree, but extreme times call for extreme measures. We are giving every resident a 6-month grace period to move to another state if they do not wish to join our friendly northern neighbours in Canada.”

Governor Dayton’s office did not respond to calls or requests for an interview by press time.

Many Minnesotans have expressed pleasure at the new direction for the soon-to-be-former state.

“Well sure, we already sound just like them friendly Canadians up north. Makes sense to me,” offered local newsstand operator Sam Copple from Duluth, Minn. “We’re used to the cold, we’re polite, we’re outdoorsy. We’re practically the same. I think we really just want to make it official to get that free health care.”

Political scientists claim that the process of seceding from the United States would actually be quite simple, but it’s becoming a Canadian province that’s the tricky part. Canada still falls under the rule of Queen Elizabeth II, who is known to specifically dislike Minnesota due to a bad experience she had while visiting the state in the late ’90s.

“Her Majesty wanted to experience an authentic breakfast at a local Cracker Barrel while in Lakeville, but the service took too long and her pancakes were cold by the time she received them,” explained Dr. Sandra Gorski, a political science professor at Carleton Univeristy in Ottawa.

“When Her Majesty complained, the waitress told her: ‘That’s just how freedom tastes.’ It will be quite interesting to see how she reacts to the news of Minnesota wishing to join her realm. Luckily for them, she is known for generosity and ability to forgive,” said Gorski.

Canadians have stayed true to their reputation of being hospitable, with many looking forward to welcoming their new brothers and sisters.

“No bother to me at all to welcome Minnesota,” said New Brunswick resident Tammy Wallace-Munn. “The kids might complain that they have one more province to memorize in school, but overall, the more the merrier! Heck, maybe they could teach us a thing or two about freedom.”

  1. I’ve always wanted to move to Canada and hey away from Donald. He’s killing America

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    • Xavier lee people like you kill America!

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    • you’re just too ignorant to know how lucky we are to have Trump, but why don’t you just take yourself up north and never come back . That’s how you personally can Make America Great Again.

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      • I agree. For God sakes, get over it cry babies. Trump is are President!

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      • Minnesota is a GREAT state and has no intention of leaving this flaming clown car flying down a crowded street without brakes of a fucking country.

        I love how you think this is real. How many stories have you read on this website and think are real, bud? Are you professionally stupid? Are you simple, boy?

        1. Scroll to bottom of this page. WAIT. YOU GOTTA READ THE REST OF THE DIRECTIONS. Idiot

        2. Read the disclaimer.

        3. Then kick your own ass.

        4. Then get a vasectomy.

        5. Then get another vasectomy.

        6. Then sterilize any children you’ve had.

        7. Neuter/spay your pets just to be safe.

        You are DUMB as ALL BALLS, guy. We can have none of that in the gene pool. THAT GOES FOR EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON WHO THINKS THIS IS REAL. I mean stick a hot coat hanger up your dick hole/ster.

        THAT’S how you can personally Make American Great Again.

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    • Xavier……………I’m from Missouri! PROVE IT!!! Just HOW is our President killing America? It’s the MEDIA killing the USA because of not printing the truth!

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  2. It is BS, No such plan here

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  3. It’s not happening.
    No… just, No!

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  4. Fake news. A petition was started a few years ago. It’s got 7000 signatures. 7k out of 5.6 million people isnt really a popular concensus …

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  5. Do they truly want to be Canadians or is it just to get away from Trump. If tomorrow they could have a replacement for him would they still want to change over?

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  6. Minnesota won’t become part of Canada. They have strict immigration laws and won’t accept all of the Somali immigrants. And, it’s cold there.

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  7. Health care isn’t free…you pay at the pump.

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  8. What in the actual Crap???? Really Minnesota??? You’re just going to leave only cause you cant stand our President? There are probably several other states that dont agree with our President, yet they are staying. Minnesota dont do this as you have no idea what you’re asking for and getting yourself into! I lived there for 22 years of my life and I certainly know!

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  9. Shit I wish they would go threw with it! Bc the u.s. got bad after Trump became president he’s just running the state down hill!! All he’s worried is his stupid ass wall and not the people!!

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  10. Born and raised in Minnesota. Proud graduate of the U of M. Sounds good to me.

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  11. Hey, if you don’t like America and our president, just leave, move to Canada and don’t let the door hit you in the ass,, and take 50 immagrints with you! You can provide all their living expenses! It’s obvious you don’t have any money and are looking for something Free! Please move!

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    • That is what this article is already stating. Wtf are immagrints anyways?

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    • Then what about the people with an honest living that don’t want to be part of the us anymore, saying that is like saying only you have money. Think about every ones current predicaments and why they would want this.

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    • Reno Martinez aponte January 21, 2019, 6:33 am

      May I remind you that Canada and the us are all american:american north central and South.you dummy

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  12. Originally from MN. Great, I’ll still visit, got my passport!

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  13. Christ people! This is satire from 2 years ago!

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  14. Well this is obviously fake. There isn’t a single Cracker Barrel in the entire State!

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  15. Good satire although In a recent poll, 65% of Manitoban’s would prefer Trump running Canada rather than the idiot Trudeau that is running Canada into debt and into the ground currently.

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  16. The satire was funny, the comments hilarious!

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  17. I call BS on this… to many registered gun owners and hunters. Canada doesn’t allow gun ownership.
    Never saw this level of cry babies when Obama was electrd…lol
    If you don’t like Trump, then move to Canada. The woman will love it. Almost a shariah run country!

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    • Wrong. Canada does allow gun ownership. We’re just smart enough to realize that people don’t need semi automatic weapons to kill a moose. Hence the reason mass shootings are so very rare.

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    • Were you living under a rock? You couldn’t click a webpage without seeing at least (and at best just) a meme insulting Obama and/or his family. Talk about bias blindness.

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    • You are soooo Full of it…You know nothing about our Country….

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  18. Does anyone understand satire? As much as we’d love to have you, this is just a joke people

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  19. Disclaimer:
    All content (including without limitation likenesses, quotes, figures, facts, etc., collectively, “Content”) hosted on The Manatee websites and associated social media accounts (“The Manatee Sources”) is fictitious and satirical and should not be taken seriously.

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  20. Wait til they see what “free healthcare” costs them (if they’re not freeloaders without jobs)

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  21. DISCLAIMER:
    All content (including without limitation likenesses, quotes, figures, facts, etc., collectively, “Content”) hosted on The Manatee websites and associated social media accounts (“The Manatee Sources”) is fictitious and satirical and should not be taken seriously. The Manatee Sources and Content are provided as is. By accessing any of The Manatee Sources you acknowledge and agree that such access, any use of Content, and/or linking to other websites or accounts from The Manatee Sources are entirely at your own risk.

    Reply
  22. I live in Manitoba and would love to move to the USA, Trump has done your economy good and when is voted out it’s a short time before he’s forgotten. Trudeau on the other hand has done NOTHING good for Canada and after he is gone so will be all Canada’s wealth that will take decades to recover from!
    The sad thing for me is I’ve been paying for my healthcare (through higher taxes on everything) all my working life and now that I’m older & about to retire I’m going to need my “prepaid “ healthcare.
    If you don’t like Trump, I’ll trade you Trudeau for him!

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  23. Canada will never allow it lol ? Canada is the country that it is now due to strong immigration laws.

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  24. Guys, take a freaking pill! This is satire.

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  25. Hey….Canada needs the Tax Base….8% Provincial and 5% Government for Sales….A total of 13% in taxes..not counting for the basic foods (meat, fruit, vegetables), prescriptions, and child care. Yep Minnesota citizens are really gonna love the taxes….not to mention the Car Licensing with mechanical checks periodically…oh and wait they have to get the Driver’s License and the Health Card at the same time…in person..at a Government Office. Woo Hoo…talk about money going out the Window for them just to belong to Canada….Oh and they forget the biggest thing….The Banking changeovers….OMGs!!!!!!!!…Oh well, if that is what they want come on over, We need your monies to pay for OUR Healthcare too…..might help ease our burden a bit….lolololol

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  26. Did anyone read the disclaimer at the bottom. It’s satirical humour. Made me chuckle about the queen part like it would be up to the queen for Anyone to join Canada pffft

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  27. Instead of forcing those who like Trump to move out of MN allow those who want to be Canadians move to Canada and they themselves can renounce their United States Citizenship.

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