New Brunswick — We are now over a week into Lent, when people give up something they love in an act of sacrifice to commemorate Jesus having fasted in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights, according to the scriptures. The Manatee has polled the people of New Brunswick to find the 5 most popular things they’re giving up this year along with the 5 things that no New Brunswicker can go without.
- Working: People all over the province are giving up work for the next 40 days and 40 nights, with some vowing to continue well after Lent has passed so they’re able to truly show their respect.
- Hope: New Brunswickers are really getting into the spirit of sacrifice by giving up all hope they once held at being successful and happy in life. These sad-sacks are making sure to bring down everyone around them too — even their house-stricken pets.
- Shovelling: The entirety of New Brunswick is covered in snow, and much of the population has decided to keep it that way by giving up on one of their most beloved winter activities — shovelling snow. Shovelling is the most popular outdoor winter activity in New Brunswick followed distantly by snowmobiling and maple- syrup tapping. For many New Brunswickers, it’s the only form of exercise they get throughout the winter other than hauling on their jackets, scarves, mittens and boots.
- Visiting friends and relatives: Loved ones become less loved during these 40 days and 40 nights as New Brunswickers become reclusive hermits, buried under snow and ice, waiting for the new season of House of Cards to premier on Netflix.
- Caring: About anything at all, really. Gonna snow another 2 feet? Oh well, it won’t really make much of a difference now. My car is covered in slush, chunks of ice and salt stains? I’ll get it cleaned in the spring. What’s that? All the vibrant colours of our once-beautiful province have turned into multiple shades of white and dirty-greys? That’s okay; I can see colours on my TV.
- Tim Hortons: Coffee, donuts, lattés, cappuccinos, Timbits, breakfast sandwiches — whatever it is, New Brusnwick won’t turn their back on their favourite coffee-shop, especially considering it’s Roll-Up-the-Rim time.
- Collecting EI: A constant in the landscape of New Brunswick’s population, employment insurance is one of the most beloved things that people simply refuse to give up — no matter how devoted they are to their religion.
- Moving to a new province: It would take a special kind of job-seeker to be so devoted that they are willing to stay in the Picture Province, where the odds of landing a job are only slightly better than winning the jackpot on Tuesday night Rotary TV BINGO.
- Watching Hockey Night in Canada: No matter how fed up people get with winter or how bad the Toronto Maple Leafs actually are, New Brunswickers will never give up on their favourite pastime — watching Don Cherry ask Ron MacLean if he has enough time to talk about something stupid.
- Bad Driving: Just like the postman, neither sleet nor snow nor ice nor rain nor even Lent will keep New Brunswick’s terrible drivers off the roads.