Mother trampled in Disney costume brawl at Walmart

Woodstock — Walmart shoppers were left in shock after a Woodstock woman was trampled in a struggle to snag the last children’s Elsa costume off the rack for her young daughter. Cindy Williams, 32, was reaching for a costume inspired by Disney’s Frozen character Elsa when a horde of young mothers rushed over to the costume rack, knocking her down and stepping on her in their crazed determination to procure the single platinum wig and sparkling blue dress that were left.

Amy MacDonald witnessed the scene on her way to the cash register to purchase the less popular Princess Anna costume.

“It’s so sad,” said MacDonald with a sigh. “All I can think of is that poor little girl who’ll have to go trick-or-treating as a standard, boring princess or — even worse — a sheet ghost.”

Williams is in stable condition at Upper River Valley Hospital, though it’s uncertain whether she’ll survive the embarrassment of dressing her daughter up as a dated Cinderella or Snow White.

“I’m not surprised,” said Walmart manager Doug Johnson. “We only get the one shipment of licensed costumes. Princess Elsa is all the rage this year. No one’s fighting over your run-of-the-mill wicked witch costume.”

When asked if and how the Woodstock Walmart branch had any plans to avoid this in the future, Johnson said that, rather than avoid it, the company has already started organizing the inaugural “Disney Mania”: a bloodsport in which spectators watch as women scratch, claw, and pull hair to get their hands on the costume versions of whatever Disney characters are popular each year.

“I think it’ll be great for the town,” Johnson said, excitement gleaming in his eyes. “Really put Woodstock on the map.”

  1. Why would you write something that is not true? This is not a fair thing to do to Walmart.

    Reply
    • Um.. it’s satire and sarcasm making fun of how worked up people get over the latest craze. I can’t imagine anybody actually believing it past the point of the woman bemoaning the poor little girl having to go as a sheet ghost. I started smiling from that point on.

      Reply
    • From their “about” page:

      http://themanatee.net/about-the-manatee/ 

      “Disclaimer: The Manatee is a satirical news site offering fictional, critical observations of popular culture and current events.  It is intended to be humorous with a harsh dose of reality.  Any interview subjects’ resemblance to a member of the public not in the public eye is purely coincidental and should not be taken seriously.”

      Reply
    • I’m sure Walmart has seen worse.

      Reply
  2. “This is not a fair thing to do to Walmart” Yeah, because we need to be fair to Walmart because it has been is soooo fair. So fair that they laid off my dad with no compensation after he was trampled and badly injured during the “Tickle Me Elmo” craze. This is satire, but so close to truth.

    Reply

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