Montague — After a firestorm of questioning, an Internet-famous Prince Edward Island man with a raging case of toenail fungus is admitting that he’s never heard of Band-Aids.
The individual with the infectious irritant became infamous after his private video of a bedroom encounter went viral online. The video shows the man about to be intimate with his partner, when he enters the bedroom wearing knee-high dress socks to hide his blistering case of toenail fungus.
After gaining cult popularity on social media due to the unusual way he covered up his funky foot, the embarrassed man is admitting using a Band-Aid instead of socks never occurred to him.
“Is it weird that I’ve never heard of Band-Aids or bandages? I don’t know, it’s just one of those things we never did in my family I guess,” stated lifelong Montague resident Trey Sanger. “When we were kids, if we cut got a cut on our hands, we’d just put on some gloves until it stopped bleeding.
“So, when I had an infected toe, I just put on some socks without a second thought. My date didn’t think it was very sexy unfortunately. She told me to get out of her apartment and called me a freak! It was only afterwards that I learned that she had recorded the entire thing and posted it online.”
When asked if he’d always used clothing to cover up wounds and infections, Sanger nodded emphatically.
“I remember when I was a child and I fell off of my bike, I had a terrible road rash all over my legs, chest and even part of my face. Mama told me to put on my ‘ouchie outfit’ which was black socks, black gym pants, a black sweatshirt and a balaclava.
“By the time I stopped bleeding and healed up, that sweatsuit was stiff, stuck to my skin and it smelled god-awful. All of the kids at school teased me terribly for those two weeks. I guess I understand why now.”
Sanger is still looking for love online, but the next time he has a chance to seduce a lady friend, he plans to leave his stockings at home. Also, he plans to get some sex education before his next date.
“Let’s just say that I have a feeling that what Mama told me about contraception might also be off-base, and leave it at that.”