Fredericton — Observing that pretty well everyone he graduated with is now a real estate agent, Leo Hayes High School educator/part-time realtor Jeff Fogarty recently began developing an “intro to real estate” class to teach the trade in earnest.
“I was hosting an open house on the weekend when it hit me,” he explained. “Why are we teaching ‘English’ or ‘math’ or whatever when students never end up using any of that once they graduate? Why not focus exclusively on real estate tips and tricks, since most of these students will have to learn on their own in a year or two anyway?”
We sat in on a meeting in the Leo Hayes cafetorium led by Fogarty, involving several teachers, parents, members of the New Brunswick Teachers’ Association and the provincial Department of Education.
“I had hoped to replace all the pointless courses like music and art and science here at Leo Hayes, but for now, we’ll be scrapping gym and all sporting programs, and subbing in required real estate classes,” Fogarty told his audience. “Let’s face it — we’ve had gym classes for decades and what good has that done? We’re still the fattest province in the country.”
Murmurs in the crowd seemed mildly insulted, but Fogarty pressed on.
“Look to your left, and to your right. One of those people is a real estate agent, and the other is studying to get their licence.
“As the old adage goes, ‘Those who can’t do, teach,'” Fogarty went on, “‘and those who can’t teach, sell homes.'”
The course will provide instruction on promoting the shit out of yourself on social media, wearing tacky blazers with confidence, sabotaging other realtors, and looking like a weird mannequin in your professional headshots that will inevitably end up defaced by teenagers.
Grade 11 student Jessica Olsen wandered past the meeting, and chimed in saying she’s sure she can ace the high school class; her mother, father and both older siblings are already involved in real estate and have passed down their knowledge of selling homes.
“But you know, even if I fail,” she said, “I’m going into the family biz anyway. We already got our group photos done and posters made, so it’s too late to back out now.”
“The appeal of realty is obvious,” Fogarty concluded. “You get that small-time fame without possessing any real skills or talents, or much education either. You can feel like a celebrity and make lots of money. So let’s stop beating around the bush and teach kids the ‘real’ skills they need to have a bright future here in New Brunswick.
“And for anyone concerned about job losses: gym teachers are all also realtors anyway, so they won’t be losing their jobs so much as gaining more time to pursue their dreams!”
Based on the careers of most other New Brunswickers, more courses the province hopes to trial in the near future include:
-Multi-Level Marketing Basics
-Entry-level Car Dealership Sales
-Launching a Vaguely Defined Tech Startup
-Job- and Apartment-Hunting Out West
-Psychic Medium “Readings”
-Opening Yet Another Vape Shop