Fredericton — Now that police can ask for a breathalyzer without reasonable suspicion, police forces and the RCMP across New Brunswick have set up permanent check stops outside of the entrances to every bottle depot in the province.
The Manatee stopped by Best Metals in Fredericton to question the local police about their new initiative.
“Bottom line is, if you’re bringing lots of empties back, chances are pretty high that you’re an alcoholic. We’re going to catch these people where it hurts,” said Officer James Parsons of the Fredericton Police.
“We stop them just before they get into the redemption centre; they’ve got all the evidence conveniently bagged for us in the back of the car, and then we prevent them from getting money back for the bottles, which they’d just use to buy more booze, the lazy alcoholics!” explained a proud Parsons.
“Why are you questioning this? Do you support drinking and driving? I’m going to need you to give me a breath sample,” added Parsons.
The Manatee reporter was forced to provide a breath sample (which surprisingly turned out clean) like a good little civilian before resuming writing this story.
As expected any time police are given more power, not everyone is happy.
“Because of my body size and type, I can only have one pint of ‘piss-water’ Coors Light before I hit the limit,” said a frustrated Margot Crain, who lives outside of the city bus route and has to pay $20 for a taxi.
“So if I want to go out and unwind I can either have one crappy drink and drive home, or spend a ton on taxis. Apparently it’s now a crime for a girl to enjoy a double IPA.”
But Lyle Mazerole, a spokesperson for PUFF (People Undermining Fun, Freedom) said that the police should be given even more authority to ensure civilians aren’t drinking and driving.
“There are too many accidents and injuries from drinking and driving every year in Canada. There’s an obvious way to stop it all: just don’t let people drink, or don’t let them drive,” said Mazerole.
“We need to drive to get to our jobs, but most of us don’t need to drink to do them. So we’re pushing the government and police to ban drinking entirely. We won’t be happy until nobody can drink. That way everyone will be safe.”
PUFF will be lobbying the government in spring of 2019 and launching a TV commercial that shows how wonderful they think life would be without alcohol. They have yet to find any locations to allow them to film, or any actors willing to be part of the project.