NBers struggle to blame flooding on carbon tax

NBers struggle to blame flooding on carbon tax

Fredericton — New Brunswickers are not happy about the new federal carbon tax — despite having no real understanding of it. And those in the capital city are less than pleased about the spring flood — although it happens every year and there’s ample time to prepare.

Now, New Brunswick residents experiencing both the St. John River flooding and the effects of the carbon tax are placing the blame for it all squarely on “them damn Liberals up in Ottawa,” because there’s nowhere else to lay responsibility for their problems, and it seems as good a spot as any.

“I used to think God was sending this flood to punish us,” said Oliver Dern, 35, who bought a house in a flood zone just last fall. “But no god would allow a carbon tax, so he must not exist. I’m not sure what to believe anymore. All I know is, none of this is my fault, so either the carbon tax is caused by the flood, or vice versa.”

“First the price of celery shot up, and now this!” cried local blowhard Denny MacKinkley, 56. “It cost me a hundred bucks to fill up my truck the other day, and I need the truck to drive through these big puddles. It’s all connected, see. Trudeau’s not as dumb as he looks.”

“Never seen the waters rise like this in my life,” said elderly liar Ruth George, 86. “And I never lived through a federally imposed carbon tax, either. No coincidence, if you ask me. I betcha if this carbon tax never came into effect the flood wouldn’t have washed away my birdfeeder and my nice lawn ornaments.”

Some say the fact that they have to canoe to and from work during flood season is “probably just a way of making me feel better about the carbon tax.”

“The price of fuel is just outta control,” said Lorette Ronaldson of Maugerville, “and at the very same time that I can’t afford to fill my tank, the waters rise? Must be a way of placating us, making us feel better about the whole thing, since my canoe doesn’t take gas, just man-power. Which I guess is nice, in a way, but I still don’t like the government thinking they can fool me.”

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