NB’s fake football fans to gather for Super Bowl ‘traditon’

Chipman — Across the province this weekend, die-hard Super Bowl fans are preparing to overeat and drink in celebration of a longstanding tradition they’ve adopted for some reason.

American football — not to be confused with British football, or soccer — is a sport near and dear to New Brunswickers’ hearts once a year, presumably because it allows those lacking creativity or their own interests to host a themed party on what would otherwise be another boring Sunday.

“It’s tradition,” stated Nora Culberson, 26, of Chipman. “Brad has the boys over, I have the girls over, and we eat a pizza, taquitos, super-spicy buffalo wings from M&M Meat Shops, cupcakes, and then wash it all down with Alpine. It’s a chance for us to get together and look at the TV while stuffing our faces.”

“Plus it’s been what, a month since Christmas? It’s long overdue,” she added.

Culberson’s husband Brad, 29, says he started the tradition in their home because he noticed others around the province doing it, and so he knew it must have been based on something real or significant.

“And pretty much everything I know about life I learned from American TV,” he explained. “My boys are the same way — we’ve all been friends since our Chipman Regional High days, and last year I figured we might as well get together for some brews in the man cave.” He then explained that “man cave” is something TV told him he needs — a place to relax as a married man, away from his wife and her problems. “But I’m gonna let her have her girls over this time — throw her a bone since she keeps yappin’ about tradition.”

“Hey, you’re welcome to come by on Sunday,” he mentioned to The Manatee‘s reporter. “Just wear a hockey jersey or something — that’s what we do since no one has football jerseys around here. Bring some sauce for the wings if you don’t mind.”

Nora said she attempted to read up on the rules of football late last night, but promptly ditched that effort the moment a particularly engrossing episode of TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress was on. “I loved Friday Night Lights, so I can probably just figure out the real thing based on that,” she said. “And some of Brad’s friends seem to know what it’s all about, so I’ll just watch their faces and reactions so I know when to cheer or clap or whatever.”

The Culbersons say that despite having no actual interest in football, their longstanding 2-year tradition will be upheld for generations to come. “Just as long as they keep making those spicy wings,” Brad said.



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