New Brunswick poised to become euthanasia leader

New Brunswick — Last night, the new provincial government announced big news for the health sector in the province. With all eyes on the supreme court over end-of-life rights, Brian Gallant announced plans for a multimillion-dollar euthanasia facility in New Brunswick.

“I’m hopeful that assisted suicide will be given the green light in the coming months,” Gallant said. “This is an excellent opportunity to create jobs in our province and bring our young people home.”

New Brunswick’s population is aging at an alarming rate and Gallant’s plan is intended to help ease this financial burden on the healthcare system while offering a clear and accessible option for people in other areas of the country. “There are elderly people everywhere in New Brunswick and some might want to die,” he said. “Even if they don’t, we know that there are advocates for these kinds of facilities all across the country and New Brunswick is perfectly situated to meet the need. We want to be a leader in end-of-life facilitation. Heck, it’s better than fracking!”

Some political insiders have even been caught bandying around a new slogan for the province: “New Brunswick: People are dying to come here.”

There seemed to be some confusion among senior cabinet members when asked about the issue. Many pointed to the fact that euthanasia would be much better off here than in China or Japan. “Immigration is good for New Brunswick. We need people to move here. The more youth the better!” one said.

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