New Brunswick — According to a spokesperson for Sobeys New Brunswick, there has been a major increase in sales after OnceLive Meats Inc. initiated a recall of their entire food supply, due to the fact that their last shipment had been infested with pig vomit and baby feces. Despite the recall, families are lining up to stock up on meat before it temporarily disappears from the shelf.
“If they recall these ham slices now, it’ll be weeks before they’re fully stocked again,” said Margo Fletcher, mother of 3, as she stuffed handfuls of sandwich meat into her mouth. “Anth there is noh goddahm whay h’im whaiting ah fhull wheek fo’ mohre meaht.”
It is the duty of the the Canadian Food Inspection Agency to inform the public when a food product is deemed unsafe, and “request” that the company initiates a “voluntary” recall at their own expense.
“It just makes me sick how the government is telling us what we can and cannot put into our own bodies,” said disgruntled shopper Matty Hawn, before placing a hotdog between his lips and lighting the end of it.
Carver Sturgeon, president and CEO of OnceLive Meats, says his company has always readily complied with all government sanctions, and that this has in no way deterred their customers.
“Because of new regulations, we no longer display our salami products in stores. We have also agreed to retire the Carrie the Cow-Eating Calf™ character, since some believe that she promotes meat-eating to kids,” said Sturgeon. “So, for me, it’s heartening to see people continue to eat our food, even after it’s been recalled.”
Although Nova Scotia has already recalled all OnceLive Meats products from its stores, New Brunswick is not expected to complete the recall until the end of the September, so be sure and run out to your local grocer while supplies last.