Fredericton — As of Tuesday, Sept. 1, Loblaw Atlantic made it mandatory for all customers and staff to wear face coverings in their stores.
This distressing announcement did not go over well in New Brunswick, where citizens already face a number of comparable hardships ranging from unemployment to illiteracy.
“This was the last straw for me,” said former Superstore patron Kelly Lawson. “I’ve been threatening it for a while, but now I’m going to take all my dollars to Sobeys.
“Good luck surviving as a business without my 200-buck load every two weeks!” she hollered at nobody in particular.
Despite the backlash, many New Brunswickers surprised themselves by surviving the first horrible day of mandatory face masks during grocery shopping.
“It was tough, but we did it,” said shopper Dave Allan, who was leaving the downtown Fredericton location Tuesday evening. “I put the mask on right when I got out of the car, went in, got my groceries and was out of there in 15 minutes. Weird thing is, I was always under the impression that you had to hold your breath the whole time you’re wearing a mask? But nope, you can breathe right through ’em — pretty neat, huh? Maybe we shoulda been doing this since the pandemic began!”
There were no casualties of the new regulation, though most people expressed extreme displeasure.
“This has been, without a doubt, the worst day of my life,” said Graham Martin, who normally gets groceries on the weekend but went on Tuesday to “show them he won’t be beaten by their rules.”
“I’ve been through a lot in my time, but this? Torture. How can they do it to us?” he said through his mask, placing a bunch of bananas in his cart with no apparent difficulty. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, though, right? I will survive!”