New poll of Premier’s office shows 100% support for French immersion replacement

New poll of Premier’s office shows 100% support for French immersion replacement

Fredericton — A stunning new poll released today revealed that within the Premier’s office, there is an astonishing 100 per cent support for the abolishment of the existing French immersion program in New Brunswick schools.

This shocker was revealed just days after a different poll showed almost two-thirds of New Brunswickers do not support scrapping the current French immersion curriculum.

When asked to explain the wide gap between these two polls, Premier Higgs said that there is a very simple explanation.

“One poll is what I think, and the other poll is wrong,” explained Higgs. “It’s that simple.

“For example, if you ask a group of slack-jawed dumb-dumbs what they think about something, who knows what you’re going to hear!” he laughed. “Probably some pretty bonkers stuff! It’s fortunate that I’m here to tell people what they should think, and that I have a big enough majority to force it to happen.”

Higgs’s certainty about the need for change in French language instruction is something that he’s felt deeply about for a long time. “I guess you could say it’s one of my core values. That’s spelt ‘C-o-R’ by the way.”

“I don’t govern by reading the polls. I mean, that’s obvious, right?” Higgs smirked. “If I did, I think I’d go eat worms because nobody likes me, everybody hates me.

“That said, I’ve got a bunch of stuff I’ve been waiting a long time to do, and I don’t have much time to get it done.

“Because you know, I ain’t getting re-elected!” he concluded.

  1. How can I convince others, on a FB share, that the Manatee is nothing but satire?


Share your thoughts. We reserve the right to remove comments.