Online shoppers forced to face stores full of grouchy a-holes

Online shoppers forced to face stores full of grouchy a-holes

Atlantic Canada — Well, it was nice while it lasted.

With less than a week left until Christmas morning, Martimers who have avoided the human wasteland of the shopping malls and department stores to date this year now have no other option.

“Oh my god, I guess I have to make myself go,” dreaded Halifax resident Betty Magasin. “In theory, Amazon has two-day shipping. But this year, two days somehow means at least seven days or more. So, I guess the only option left is to go check out that dumpster fire down the road.”

“It’s like everyone is trapped in a Christmas-decorated escape room from that movie, Saw,” observed Moncton resident Noel Caddaud. “Before they even get there, they’ve been so stressed out over Christmas that their tolerance level for other people is already near-zero.

“Then, they act super-pissed that the store is so busy — like, ‘How dare all of you mouth-breathers show up right effin’ now when I’ve got stuff to do!’ They had one frayed nerve left, and now the entire store is standing on it! All of a sudden it’s like they are in a cage match, and every cubic metre of the cage has somebody in it!

“Now, give them a shopping cart ‘battering ram,’ and a to-do list to complete as quickly as possible so they can leave — it’s bedlam!” he said.

Charlottetown resident Carla Renne had a bad experience in the parking lot. “One senior lady pushed her shopping cart right into my car door like she didn’t even see it! She kind of shook her head like ‘What was that?’ and without a word she backed up and just kept going. And I stood there like, ‘What just happened?’ People lose their minds, I swear!”

Conception Bay South resident Marianne Boule is just thankful to be finished her shopping. “That’s it!” she exclaimed. “I’m done with this! I’m not setting foot inside another store again this year…until the Boxing Day sales start.”

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