Opinionated Facebook friend writes rough draft, uses thesaurus before posting

Fredericton — Avid Facebook poster and expert social justice warrior Jackson McEleney of Fredericton sat down with Manatee staff Wednesday evening to offer a few quick and dirty tips for getting your point across online, even when no one wants to hear it.

McEleney, despite having grown up in a quiet cul-de-sac in Fredericton’s picturesque Douglas Avenue neighbourhood, has developed passionate opinions and worldly expertise on a variety of topics ranging from “slut-shaming” to the epidemic of rising bus fares. McEleney credits his immense knowledge primarily to foreign films, Buzzfeed and the Japanese girl he dated for 2 weeks in university. Although he admits that being right all the time is exhausting work, he has put together a comprehensive list detailing the best ways to enlighten the masses.

1. Never back down. “This is where most novice Social Educators fail,” he explained. “When I take it upon myself to expand a person’s cultural horizons, I never let them know that I am searching Wikipedia before every comment that I make; although Wikipedia isn’t always accurate, it gives me the confidence to continue commenting well past the time that others have stopped. I always win.”

2. Distract from the point at hand with elitist and outdated language. “Typically, I write all my posts and comments in a Word document so that I can ensure proper formatting and grammar. I also always make sure to use the most complicated, borderline unnecessary word choices when I can — thesaurus.com is my go-to tool for pretentious language.”

thesaurus3. Set a trap for your prey. “The trick is to invite other people to share their own opinions by briefly pretending to be interested, right before you ensnare them with your own, correct opinion.”

4. Never pass up an opportunity. “It doesn’t matter if a Facebook status is about the current weather conditions or about Harper, you must incessantly offer commentary. The more controversial and misguided, the better.”

5. Always take the high road. “If I get a lot of negative response, I just assume everyone is a repressed redneck that doesn’t understand the real world that I live in. I pity them. This is why I moved to Fort Mac for a year — to get away from these closed-minded East Coasters.”

McEleney continued to speak of himself and his many Internet conquests for several hours, finally ending the interview with these comments:

“It’s hard man; I just really appreciate the power of the written word, you know? I scroll through my Facebook and Twitter feed and just get so frustrated with all the stupidity I see. I take it upon myself to educate people — I love to teach and inspire,” he explained while spellchecking his Word document. When asked about the topic for his next big Facebook post, he stated: “You’ll see. Just know that I feel very strongly about hip-hop culture.”







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