Fredericton — The earlier winter weather has thrown off hundreds of men across the Maritimes, who have reportedly purchased all their Christmas presents — and it’s not even December.
“I dunno, I saw the flurries, then before you know it it looked like January out there — which is usually my sign to go to the mall and buy all my gifts at once,” said Moncton man Arnold Beverlea. “I got to Champlain on what I assumed was the day before Christmas Eve, got some diamond earrings and some pyjamas for my wife, got home, wrapped it all, and only after checking the Weather Network found out it was actually the 23rd of November!”
Frederictonian Todd Peterson had a similar experience.
“Sometimes I’ll start checking items off my list as early as December 20th,” he said. “It feels like it’s been winter forever so I thought, what the heck, might as well get my shopping done. I got a Canadian Tire gift card for my girlfriend — who wouldn’t want that, right? — and a pair of socks for my dad, a candle for my mom…and that’s the whole shebang, really.
“I was on lunch break yesterday when my co-workers started talking about our Christmas party that’s happening on December first. I was like…what the heck? It’s not even December?? I don’t trust myself to keep track of the presents I bought. I’m not even sure where they are as we speak. Dammit — I’ll probably end up having to re-buy everything in a couple weeks!”
Store clerks all over Atlantic Canada have said that they had a rush of men coming in to hurriedly buy presents a full month earlier than normal.
“I’m certainly not going to correct them — if they’re just guessing at the date by the weather, that’s on them,” said Kerry Lisbon, who manages a Bath & Body Works in Halifax.
“In the last week I’ve sold more lotions, bubble baths, body scrubs and all that shit than in the last year. And it’s all men. I’m just letting them believe they have like two more days before Christmas so they panic and just buy an armload of this overpriced stuff.
“Bring on the winter weather!”