PEI crime rate hits all-time low using Nickelback as punishment

PEI crime rate hits all-time low using Nickelback as punishment

Kensington — After the wildly successful pilot project of forcing drunk drivers to listen to Nickelback if caught, the Kensington police department on Prince Edward Island is now extending that brutal punishment to cover all of its major crimes.

“Our drinking and driving convictions dropped to zero since we announced what we were doing,” explained police chief Harold Hatheway. “A few nights in jail is no problem for a lot, but a few hours of Nickelback? No one wants that.”

The department announced earlier this week that the punishment, which some say borders on inhumane torture, is now in place for all crimes in Kensington. Since then, there hasn’t been a single instance of robbery, adultery, fraud or jaywalking reported in the town.

“I was totally planning on murdering my ex-wife this week,” admitted a scorned Anthony Klingberg. “I was willing to spend the rest of my days behind bars, but this? I can’t put myself through a Nickelback playlist.”

With the incredible drop in crime, it is expected that other departments on the Island will begin to implement the same punishment in the new year.

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