Quispamsis — Canada’s first incorporated city will soon be neighbours to Canada’s newest city. Beginning July 1, the towns of Quispamsis, Rothesay and Grand Bay-Westfield will amalgamate into a single city named Not-John.
“The decision made sense,” said Quispamsis Mayor Gary Clark. “If not logistically, then at least for auto-correct. Do you know how many times I have to type Quispamsis in a day? No Siri, I did not mean Quid Pay!” said Clark, shouting at his phone.
Grand Bay-Westfield Mayor Grace Losier says she and her counterparts will get to keep their jobs, despite the amalgamation. “We have decided to maintain our town halls as three equal city halls. Mayor Grant, Mayor Clark and myself will serve as co-mayors. I can also guarantee there will be no job cuts at our city halls to ensure our citizens receive the best service possible. In fact, we will be hiring new staff and offering more services.”
Losier says they can afford more expenses due to an increase in their equalization payment from the provincial government. “Higher than expected property tax revenues has increased our coffers and the province’s.”
Critics question why Saint John was excluded from the amalgamation, but Losier says it is to their benefit. “I love Saint John. Some of my best friends are Saint Johners. But they are already quite big and we don’t want to risk making this opportunity a bloated one.”
One major issue in excluding Saint John is that it physically separates Grand Bay-Westfield from Rothesay and Quispamsis. Rothesay Mayor Nancy Grant claims to have a solution. “Rothesay has a proud sailing heritage. I’m hoping our yacht club will agree to run a volunteer ferry service. I haven’t asked them yet, but I can’t see why it would be a problem. They like sailing, right?”
Losier is skeptical of Grant’s plan, but says they can always commandeer the Westfield cable ferry if needed. “All you have to do is run a new cable,” said Losier.
Saint John Mayor Don Darling could not be reached for comment. Though, following the announcement, Mayor Darling tweeted: “im not mad… im just hurt :'(.”