Fredericton — Do you love jazz and blues, but didn’t manage to score passes to any big-name acts before they sold out?
Well, all your flakiest friends and acquaintances would like to help!
Unfortunately, though, these people are the types who can’t even manage a simple Kijiji transaction without failing to show up at the designated spot on time and with enough money — and they’re going to bring that same flaked-out approach to getting the coveted tickets into your hands.
“I’d love to see Robert Plant, of course, but didn’t get passes in time,” said Jesse Olsen. “A guy I know is selling a pair on Facebook, but he says if I want them, I have to meet him outside a gas station on Hanwell Road sometime between 5 and 9 p.m., with cash and a pack of smokes, and he’ll ‘try’ to be there. I’m debating whether it’s worth the hassle.”
Haley Tankhill is having the same debate.
“It’s always the unreliable hippie types who have ‘extra’ tickets for these huge acts. They can’t hold down a job or remember to pay rent, but somehow, some way, they land these sweet passes and then mysteriously need to unload them for cheap.
“I really want to hit up the Nathaniel Rateliffe show, but I messaged this flake who’s selling tickets, and she said she ‘might’ have them. What does that even mean?! Like, do you have them or not?”
Harvest hopeful Kendra Peters said she went to meet one such flake to purchase passes for Lucinda Williams.
“The messages couldn’t have been more straightforward with this guy, but when I got to his house, first he didn’t come to the door because he was baked on the couch and thought I was a cop — he must have forgotten it’s legal now. When he finally remembered who I was and why I was there, he made me go inside and smoke a bowl with him.
“An hour later, after we were both stoned and I had given him my money, he said, ‘Oh yeah, I forgot I already sold those passes to my buddy,’ and started giggling like an idiot.
“If you want my advice, just skip Harvest this year and make sure to get ahead of the flakes when tickets go on sale in 2020.”