Atlantic Canada — Like it or not, the Elf on the Shelf is being pre-denied entry to the Atlantic provinces this December.
“It’s your own fault for setting the expectation with your kids that this Elf — whom I had never heard of until about a week ago, by the way — will be romping around inside the house, touching everything. Who knows where it’s been?” said New Brunswick Premier Blaine Higgs.
“Social distancing is not possible when the Elf wanders throughout thousands of private residences for an entire month. I’m sorry, but it’s just not safe or prudent to allow. I Skyped the other premiers and they agreed. Or I think they did — the damn audio kept cutting out. I saw some nodding, anyway.”
According to the story of the Elf, he and his identical buddies comes from the North Pole each year, hiding in people’s homes to watch over the events. Once everyone goes to bed, they fly back to the North Pole to tattle to Santa about what went on, good or bad. Then they quickly go back to the house in question to hide in a new location, surprising the children for the next day.
“It doesn’t seem fair considering we’re we let essential workers come in and out, and the Elf is kind of essential in a way too,” said Darla McKinnon of Saint John, who had been looking forward to placing the elf in various “funny” positions such as atop a toilet paper roll or in a glass jar with “isolation station” written on it.
“Thank god — I hate that little twerp,” said Jenn Palmer of Moncton. “My kids think it moves around on its own, but after a long day at work I’m the one stuck coming up with a funny, creative thing for it to be doing in the morning. It’s exhausting! Not to mention the fact that I have to post it on social media every day with a cute caption…the whole reason for it, after all.
“If Santa’s not even allowed to come…Santa himself…then we’re sure as heck not letting that little loser come control our lives all of December.”