Atlantic Canada — A new report today revealed that “Gen-X” Atlantic Canadians are making astonishing and implausible claims about past Halloweens in the region.
Social media is ablaze with reports from East Coasters born between 1964 and 1984, claiming that Halloween used to be so snowy and cold that they had to wear their costumes over their snowsuits every year.
“Seriously, I looked like a fairy princess sumo wrestler,” claimed Jennifer MacDonald of Truro. “It was so hard to hang onto our pillowcases wearing our mittens too. We didn’t have fancy bags like kids have today or parents to carry our loot. My parents would smack me with a pillowcase of candy if I asked them to carry it for me!”
While Atlantic Canadians are enjoying record-shattering warm October temperatures, many 40- and 50-something parents are especially tweaked by the arrival of Halloween. They assert that there used to be freezing temperatures and snow by Halloween, and most children were required to wear full-on winter garb underneath their costumes.
“There’s very little photographic evidence to back up these claims,” responded Millennial sociologist Brittany Weatherbee. “That era has a disturbing lack of selfies. It’s like no one ever took a picture of their outfit of the day, or their lunch or even their ‘duck faces.’
“It’s more likely that these delusions are some kind of early onset dementia, possibly caused by aspartame poisoning or excessive wine consumption,” she concluded.
“Delusions, my ass!” protested MacDonald. “The snow drifts were over my head! It used to be so cold that those crappy little caramel pumpkin candies would freeze solid! You’d break your teeth if you tried to eat one!
“Kids have it a lot easier today,” she concluded. “Things were a lot harder then…when I was their age.”