Shoppers to sell cannabis online…but only if you keep it on the DL

Shoppers to sell cannabis online…but only if you keep it on the DL

Atlantic Canada — Shoppers Drug Mart recently announced that they will be selling cannabis products online, but the company is now stipulating that it must be done in a fashion similar to ordering from your dealer.

“You can’t just ‘place an order’ and ‘receive it in the mail in a week’ — where’s the fun in that?” said Shoppers regional representative Mark Nash. “Because marijuana legalization was so recent, we want to help our customers transition to the new reality by acting much the same way as their flaky dealer always did.

“This mainly means you’ll have to ask for what you want in code. So, you don’t click a box that says ‘Liiv Bali Kush’ or ‘Edison Sativa Oil,’ but instead you’ll let us know that you want some ‘sick new gear,’ some ‘treats,’ some ‘pizza’ or some ‘Scooby-Dooby-Doo.’ We think this will make it easier for everyone. And more amusing.”

PC points, short for “pot coin,” can be exchanged for weed — that is if you’re chill about it and don’t make a scene, Nash continued.

“We have the right not to sell to you if we don’t like you, or you give us a weird vibe, basically,” he said.

“You can continue using your pot coin for regular purchases, or you can exchange it for weed, and have it delivered not to your door, but to a weird gas station a couple blocks away.

“Our delivery people will text and ask you to meet them in a parking lot outside Sobeys, then they’ll drive you to a house where some greasy sketchbags will be seated on the floor around a grimy coffee table, with tattered flags covering the windows, and only there will the delivery guy finally hand over your product. But he’ll want to smoke some of it with you, and tell you about the band he’s thinking of starting with some friends.”

Nash explained that their marketing research has shown that if consumers feel like purchasing weed is too “corporate,” they will lose interest.

“Part of the appeal of buying pot is interacting with someone who hasn’t showered in a few days, and wondering if you should have come alone to pick it up. It gives a sense of risk that adds to the whole experience.”

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