Atlantic Canada — In advance of this season’s first blast of miserable winter weather, Environment Canada has issued a “special weather-complaining statement” for the entire Atlantic region.
Officials are warning of excessive amounts of griping and grouchiness beginning on Saturday and lasting for all of Sunday. Topics of fussiness will likely include snow accumulation, shovelling, cold temperatures, slush and excessive moistness.
Meteorologists are also warning about possible personified indecision of Mother Nature as the weather switches to rain, then back to snow, and then maybe back to rain again.
“It will appear as though it ‘doesn’t know if it wants to rain or snow,’” said Environment Canada meteorologist Tom Hivernal. “Of course, these are just normal precipitation changes as the temperatures fluctuate. Please do not worry about a weather-controlling deity that can’t decide what to do.”
The text of the special statement from Environment Canada reads as follows:
Normal cold and gross December weather is expected this weekend across Atlantic Canada. However, be advised that higher than normal levels of bitching and moaning about the outdoor conditions are expected across the region.
A low pressure system will approach the region from the southwest on Saturday. Snow ahead of this system is expected to start to skitz people out starting Saturday afternoon and spread full-blown pissy attitudes across the region by Saturday evening. Be on the lookout for isolated ‘bitch-fits’ from especially ill-tempered people.
Be advised that neighbour with that loud snowblower will be clearing his driveway at 6 a.m. on Sunday even though he doesn’t have to go to work or anything. Also, snow may be wet and heavy, so extra complaining about shovelling is expected.
Please continue to monitor social media to know who to avoid until the nasty weather has passed.