St. Andrews by-the-Sea braces itself for Paddlefest weekend

Saint Andrews — This weekend is a big one for music, art, and outdoor activity lovers from around the province as historic St. Andrews by-the-Sea welcomes crowds of young people with alternative lifestyles by the hundreds. Dreadlocks, colourful Mexican ponchos, camper vans, and those baggy yoga pants that give your rear-end the appearance that you literally just pooped yourself will be in abundance. Manatee staff took to Water Street on Wednesday afternoon to ask “townies” how they are prepping for the wave of people and patchouli.

“I have completely changed my menu for the weekend, eh,” explained Kurt Simon, owner of The Red Herring Pub. “We didn’t sell no beef burgers the past few years so I brought in some black-bean patties. If you ask me they look like something I would feed my dog, but hey, these folks seem to enjoy the taste.”

Paddle1“We have opened up the condemned staff housing building, ‘O’Brien House,’ for any free spirits who want to experience our hotel and the extensive renovations we have undergone over that last three years,” stated Algonquin Resort manager Tim Ostrem. “They won’t be able to use any of the facilities that our regular customers can, the linens might not be the cleanest, but at $169.00 per night, we feel it’s an excellent deal!”

Kenny Leslie, a retired custodian from NBCC who now spends 8 to 10 hours a day sitting on the bench in front of the SaveEasy, muttered, “I don’t mind them so long as they don’t pitch another tent in my back yard this year. A few years back I woke up and some feller had himself all stretched out on some type of rubber mat. He was breathing in and out — snorting, if you may. He looked a little aggressive so I stayed in my kitchen and waited him out.”

“We order a few dozen pair of devil sticks, a box of hacky sacks — we sell out every year,” said Home Hardware manager Bill Dowling. “I am, however, going to have to put up a sign up this year stating ‘Only 3 Paddlefesters at a time’; not that they’ll steal anything, but the probability of a gaggle coming in and having a hack circle in one of the aisles is too great.”

“We are so excited for the talent we’re bringing to the stage this year!” Paddlefest organizer Mark MacDougall enthusiastically spouted off. “But we’re also passionate about the various workshops happening in town throughout the weekend. There’s a composting-toilet maintenance and care seminar at the Anglican church on Saturday morning; the Spice Box is hosting a discussion on how to have a healthy, jealousy-free open relationship on Sunday at 3 p.m.; oh, and we’re still on the lookout for nude models for a painting lesson Friday night, but the models have to be un-groomed, if you know what I mean.”

For more information on Paddlefest, the list of performers, and everything else please visit:

  1. Joseph Tinker May 17, 2015, 1:43 pm

    Tim Ostrem is no longer the GM at the Algonquin! Not sure if it was related to this story!!


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