Washington, D.C. — The red carpet may have been rolled out for Canadians in the U.S. capital late last week, but some New Brunswick cuisine at Thursday night’s State Dinner has left the guests feeling green.
During the multi-course meal, it appears as though an improperly cooked dish damned the dinner and disgusted the diners. The result is an international incident of unprecedented proportions that is causing a toxic turn in relations between the two nations.
The affluent affair that featured stars of all stripes has been the topic of international fascination for the past week. As is the tradition with state dinners, the Canadian government was invited to bring a regional delicacy to be featured during the feast. Sources in the prime minister’s office say that based on advice from Dominic LeBlanc, Trudeau personally decided to bring fiddleheads from Tide Head, N.B. Tide Head is also known as the “Fiddlehead Capital of the World.”
Fiddleheads are the fronds of young ostrich ferns that grow wild in eastern North America. While considered a delicacy, they are sometimes associated with food-borne illness if consumed raw or undercooked. Symptoms generally occur within 30 minutes to 12 hours and include diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramps and headaches.
During the dinner, President Obama was reportedly fascinated with the fiddleheads. “You mean these are ferns?” he asked. “Like Zach Galifinanakis Between Two Ferns ferns? And you eat these? Um… I mean, wow.” After dousing the greens in generous amounts of hollandaise sauce, a delighted Obama is said to have eaten two extra-large helpings.
However, it seems as though the unfamiliar fiddlehead was undercooked by the White House chefs. In less than an hour, several guests including the president felt ill. While the president didn’t have the same embarrassing reaction as George H. W. Bush’s infamous 1992 Japan dinner, he did suffer severe cramps, dizziness and nausea.
Obama was rushed away by Secret Service for medical attention, while the Canadian delegation was detained and the White House went on lockdown. Once the source of the illness was isolated several hours later, the disappointed dinner guests were finally released.
Canadian attendee Mike Myers also felt ill after consuming the fiddleheads. However, his symptoms were reportedly unique — his hair turned completely white. When Canadian actor Ryan Reynolds was asked about his symptoms, he admitted that “he felt bad, but not Green Lantern-level bad.”
Even though it doesn’t really apply in this instance, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is calling for the Canadian delegation to be “deported immediately.” He has also added an anti-vegetable plank to his platform, which is reportedly very popular with his base. “Really, I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner,” said Trump. “Vegetables are for losers. And, Canadian ferns are a disaster.”